Relationships aren’t supposed to be as difficult as much of social media makes it look like, neither is ‘Cheating’ nor ‘Fear of heartbreaks’ the only downside to it. At least, most of us should already know this anyway.
Like every other relationship(s) we’ve had, challenges are bound to exist one way or another because thankfully, we are unique humans – both male and female, created to reason and act differently.
On this week’s episode, a 29-year-old chef reveals the challenges she faces with her fiancé, who seems infatuated with US Women’s Tennis legend Serena Williams.
So what was it like before you got engaged?
At the time, It was pretty much normal and healthy. I mean I only said ‘yes’ because I was sure. Although, I never quite had a clear idea of what kind of sports he was interested in. I know he’s a sports person. He talks about football with his guys when they come around, they all argue as usual…you know how it is now. Shading each other and stuff like that.
So before he popped the question, I didn’t really get any sense in that regard and even immediately after. It was just cool.
Oh, what team does he support?
Uhmmm…funny enough I don’t even know (laughs). I think it’s Arsenal….but I’m not sure. I know his keyholder is Arsenal branded, so….(laughs)
That’s cool, so what changed then?
Okay, I started noticing that anytime I came over to see him, he was always watching Tennis on the TV. So at first, I didn’t make anything out of it because….I mean, I know he’s a sports guy.
But eventually I noticed, It was always the female matches he kept watching and sometimes I would ask: Is there no football match today? (laughs). But he’ll say naah, that he’s not interested in the teams that are playing.
Lol. So on how many occasions did you see that happen?
I think it had already happened like three times. But the fourth time, was when I really started to ask myself questions and become suspicious
So I’m watching a movie in the living room and I think I fell asleep. He was around. So I can’t remember how long I was asleep. But when I woke up I saw the channel changed to a women’s Tennis match and he was now balanced with serious concentration.
how did you react to that?
Omo, first thing I did was ask Oga – Is this a live match? He said ‘No’. But he didn’t even turn back to answer me. His whole attention was on the game. I think it was a highlight or something.
So what happened next?
Nothing. I just let him be. It was later I now observed that the women who were always playing anytime he tuned in, were the same. Or at least there was a particular one (laughs) I could recognize – Serena Williams (laughs).
So you know Serena Williams?
Lol! Who doesn’t? (laughs) Like it only just struck me after that fourth time that she was the one. I know she’s a great player, very popular in my school days as well. I’m a fan, I won’t lie (laughs)
So when did it become an issue?
It wasn’t an issue at the time but eventually, it did become one and I started to worry. I noticed he changed the wallpaper on his phone to Serena Williams and he stopped attending church services, with his excuse being that, here was a match he couldn’t miss.
So I would always ask my male friends if Arsenal is playing that morning and what time. But they would always tell me otherwise, or that sometimes – that Arsenal already played or there was no important match in the mornings or that early.
Aah! So what was your initial reaction?
I felt he was just being lazy and looking for an excuse not to be in church on Sundays. But a part of me suggested this man was sitting at home watching Serena.
So what did you find out?
Funny enough, I didn’t even try to question him anymore on it. I had already sent him texts and called him on a number of occasions to talk to him about it.
I didn’t want it to be an issue even though I knew – It was already (at least to me).
Did you at any point feel insecure about it ? Yes! Yes I did. I wont even lie. I mean it’s Serena. You know her physique is and all that. These days it’s hard to tell what men even want. Most of them are moved by what they see and it’s fine sha.
When it got worse actually was one time, I was doing something on his phone. So I was on YouTube right…..and then I was trying to find a page I recently checked out from his history. It was at that point I told myself…enough is enough, after what I saw.
Hmmm. And what did you see?
His whole YouTube history. That is, his whole history was just about Serena Williams. Serena Williams modelling shoot, Serena Williams workout routine, Serena Williams beach wear, Serena Williams this, Serena Williams that…in fact I was just tired at that point.
I said What is this?. I wanted to walk up to him and ask him what exactly was going on but I couldn’t because of privacy concerns. Like…I’m this kind of person that no matter how close we are. I just know how to respect your privacy. The same way I’ll want you to respect mine.
So what did you do?
I said I’ll wait for the right moment to approach him about it. He no longer watched football at least when I was around. His friends weren’t even coming around to watch matches. He himself stopped going out to watch matches. Women’s Tennis was the new staple channel in the house. I just had to get used to it and hope it wasn’t an obsession.
Did it turn out to be (an obsession) eventually?
It was one time I passed the night at his place. I didn’t know what time it was, but I just opened my eyes briefly and I was in disbelief due to what I saw.
Aah! What was it this time? So he laid down facing the other way and was apparently touching himself while looking at Serena’s picture on his phone with the other hand.
It’s not even funny. I literally watched him do this. And he didn’t even notice I was awake, neither did her turn to even check if I was spying on him. As soon as he was done, he got up from the bed while I just turned over and cried myself to sleep.
Oh dear, that must’ve been a terrible feeling
Terrible is an understatement. It was at that point I said to myself. ‘I think this man is obsessed’.
So did you finally talk to him about it?
Yes. I had to. Like we just got engaged and I wasn’t about to just dive into anything with any more surprises. I wanted all the madness to end. So I told him about that night some days later, and he felt very embarrassed. He apologized but kept insisting he was not obsessed.
You see the problem was never s*x just so you know, we already had a healthy s*x life for sure and I can’t complain. But this infatuation with somebody he’s never likely going to meet anytime soon, is what I couldn’t deal with.
I was 100% sure this wasn’t about my looks or him being less and less attracted to be physically or sexually, because what’s he looking for that I don’t have? (laughs) He knows what he had to do before I even agreed to date him in the first place (laughs)\ But on a serious note though, I even had to browse about her personal life and saw that she is married with a child.
What was his reaction to your feedback?
He was just saying ‘Sorry’. Promising it won’t happen again and all that. So I asked about the wallpaper and he said – It’s nothing. I told him Mr. Man, that wallpaper needs to go first before we can talk about deliverance because believe me…I had already told my pastor about it.
Wow. Did you really?
Yeah I did. If it’s a spiritual battle I wanted to be ready. Because honestly, I didn’t want to lose the love of my life because I’m competing with an accomplished sports athlete. She big pass me, I know….She carry pass me, I know…So why will i even compete? (laughs)
How did things progress after his apology?
At least, he reset his wallpaper to something else. I couldn’t care less, just as long as it was not a picture of Serena. But he kept on watching her on TV. If there was no light, he’ll still watch highlights or clips of her on his phone, although not as much as he used to before.
Fair enough. So have you grown to accept that?
When I spoke to my friend and his friend about it. They suggested he sees a therapist. I even already paid for two sessions, because I don’t want any excuse or story.
Aaww. So has he started?
For where? I’m glad he got a promotion at his workplace. Now he has more responsibilities and less time for all that his former habits. I think his new role challenged him, into becoming more in touch with reality and that works for me.
Yeah. I’m not sure he’s completely over that phase though. Like I said he still watches her games and all that. But he’s not as engrossed as he used to be in that. That was a huge scare you know (laughs). But I love him too much not to help him get through that phase.
Yeah. I mean we’re getting married next month and I couldn’t be happier about anything right now.