BREAKING NEWS: Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie Breaks Down in Tears as He Offers “Emotional Apologies” on Mother’s Body, and Order For Her Immediate Evacuation From Her Hometown.

Lurie had just “broken it down” after the Eagles’ 35-28 upset of the team he once loved; the team he tried to buy. After a win, and after Chip Kelly addresses the club, the team allows that day’s hero to go to the middle of the team huddle and send the Eagles off with inspiration; break it down, as it were.

He addressed them individually and in a group. But he addressed them with a rowdiness that belies his forgetful-professor demeanor.

“He was fired up today! I’d never seen him like that in front of everybody,” said left tackle Jason Peters, an Eagle for seven years: ” ‘Play with a fire! Play angry! Go out there and let it rip!’ Lurie, raised in Boston, looks northeast with jealousy and admiration. He sees the team Robert Kraft stole from him in 1994, when Kraft outbid Lurie . . . who then spent even more on the Eagles, just 3 months later.

Lurie saw Kraft build an evil, cheating empire, complete with Darth Brady and Sith Lord Belichick – who, true to character, even wears a hood. After the 2004 season, Brady and Belichick Spygated the Eagles out of the best chance the franchise ever had to win a Super Bowl. The Pats then Deflategated their way to a fourth championship last winter.